I Took Roxane Gay’s Master Class.
This was how I was taught to be heard!
Whenever I read a post on feminism I was stuck with question, am I one?
Because somehow I never had that raging and powerful understanding of feminism and womanhood.
Although when I read some articles on feminism or patriarchy or misogyny, I was terribly shocked. It stiffened me with shame on my callowness over the subject, I felt how come I lack that deep innate understanding over feminism. I too wanted to be alert and aware, so that I can defend myself, which till now I’ve failed.
Conditioning is a very powerful tool to shape a person for one life time. And I was sculpted with the mud that was kneaded with the waters of strong patriarchy. Things that bothered or irked my fellow sisters never did to me!
Like if my husband did the dishes I’d praise him for being a helping hand. Going little further I’d also praise him on the social media and WhatsApp family groups, on how sexy he looked while lending a helping hand in my domain.
To be precise I was an unapologetic Men-Pleaser. Be it dad, brother, husband or a son. I felt elated when they entered in my life for a help.
There were days when I bought the idea that Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus, may be they might be! But not all the time, Venus can be supplementary to Mars.
And Why?
There were strong feelings but lacked articulation.
It was during raging first wave of Pandemic I thought of taking Masterclass.
Writing was the only solace in those days, then why not polish the art by taking the class from Masters around the Globe?
I didn’t knew the Masters then!
Roxane Gay was someone who immediately caught my attention. She told me that it was okay to be a bad feminist, and it was a relief of huge weight being lifted off my heart.
As she says, “When women respond negatively to misogynistic or rape humor, they are sensitive or branded as “feminist”, a word that has, of late, become a catchall term for woman who doesn’t tolerate bullshit”.
Yes, I was very much a bad feminist, who was never educated on her own gender. Her placid yet stingingly sharp comments and words paved a way for ploughing the snow that hampered my thought process.
I laughed on jokes that demeaned women and derogated their roles in the marriage or otherwise. I also idolized the notion that a woman should be all-forgiving, compromising and unstained.
I taught my daughter to speak slowly, I also taught her ignore hate commenters and lewd gazes.
Now when I’ve accepted myself as a bad feminist, I have changed for good.
Roxane Gay teaches on writing on social cause, not just for trending the fashion but for being the catalyst for change! Her tweets are acidic, audacious and calm.
Not that I’ve known that how self sabotaging it can be to live under the constant threat of obligations from men.
She taught me that it’s okay to a bad feminist than no feminist at all. The class that helped me accept the mess I am, without being undermined by the societal approval of a woman.
Breaking free from years of cemented conditioning has made people especially men around me frown in the forehead.
But now that I am okay to be audacious rather than being a exemplary trophy-woman, I am at peace with myself.
