Parenting Marriage Is A Part Of Our Civilization!

Seema Virani Kholiya.
3 min readJul 15, 2021


It comes by default with the vows.

Photo by Mahdi Bafande on Unsplash

Our society at large degree functions like this. On expert advices, on scientific researches and evidences.

We call this opinions incontrovertible, because they come from the space of experience and expertise. And our brains find it safe to chase these words of counsel for greater good.

Like recently a marriage counselor told my friend that she shouldn’t make a quick call on filing a divorce. Both of them should take least bad course of action to save their kids from the heartaches. The Parenting Marriage!

Lesser known, this phrase “Parenting marriage” came as elixir vitae to her. Being financially dependent, she knew divorce would come at a cost. So she took this as a midway to save children from heartaches and agonies.

But, as my granny said, “What is a marriage? A license to keep a woman occupied forever”. And what made her blasphemous? a parenting marriage, by default.

Under the patriarchal society, parenting is exclusively a maternal duty. And hence when it comes to splitting the marriage, the entire brunt has to be borne by a mother. Which in turns, brings the financially and emotionally dependent at the mercy of ‘The man of the house’. To which the woman remain indebted forever.

Consequently the Parenting Marriage by default is trending since primitive ages. Where the woman has to raise a semi decent adult, who later repeats the process.

But when my friend was advised parenting marriage against divorce, it was a different kind of arrangement, at least she thought.

Out of old school curiosity I asked her the definition of her Parenting marriage?

To which she said, that a system under which the couple could part their ways and still be the parents. It arises when the sense of couple-hood dies and the sense of parenthood remains strong. Where a couple choose to remain with each other without interfering in each other’s lives.

Was it possible for her? Not to get interfered and live a respectful singular life?

Duh! No!

While my generic understanding says that this a common scenario, isn’t it?

Usually the emotion of togetherness vanishes and with other predicaments, the woman has to raise the children to greater extent.

Than how is parenting marriage different?

Does this system provides a woman to look for another respectful partner?

Or does it allows a equal share of responsibilities and parental blunders.

How about the intricacies of marriage that previously existed? Won’t the lawful family push the woman to play the wife also during the difficult times.

And how about the victimization of children to the silent hostility prevalent in the house hold.

Well, I believe it’s better to bear the pain and sit with difficult phase of divorce rather than participate in play of parenting marriage.

My granny often said that it takes a village to raise a child but not the father. Because the father since Adam have the privilege to earn the livelihood.

Yuval Noah Harari, in his book Homo Sapiens says that agriculture revolution was the biggest scam of mankind. But I say, letting Eve eat the apple was the biggest fraud. Of course they were Eve’s senses that lured her to the nature’s trap of the forbidden fruit, like my friend.

But as my granny would say be the Eve in the garden of Eden who can analyze and dissect the patriarchy. Not just go with the designed flow.



Seema Virani Kholiya.

That woman who owes death a life.

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