The Stockholm Syndrome In An Abusive Marriage Is Real AF.
Because it strikes the chord between kidnapper and captor for meeting the needs.
The primal pangs of hunger are often the driving force of human bonds. Hunger for us, as humans is often something more than growling stomach.
Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs explains that a humans are motivated by five basic hungers.
a) Physiological hunger for air, water, food, shelter, and sleep.
b)Security hunger for health, property, employment.
c) Connection hunger for family, love, intimacy, friendship.
d)Psychological hunger for esteem, respect.
e) Metaphysical hunger for self actualization.
This is how I derive the definition of hunger from the Maslow’s pyramid. I believe hunger can be something that is compulsive in nature.
Being the head of the community vocational program designed for providing employment opportunities to girls, I’ve come across some baffling cases of marriages. To no matter what the degree of abuse is? These women never fail to idolise and patronize their husbands.
After listening to few girls, I decided to take proper research in order to write an article on, and to prove myself that NEEDS can be irrational and self-deprecating at times.
I talked to more than 10 women from abusive marriages apparently. And to my utter shock they were point blanc unwilling to walk out of the marriage because they thought that however barbaric their men were! At least they were safe and protected from outer terror-fueled world.
Besides safety, mostly all these women had one more thing in common. That was strong attachment.
Just like the victims of Stockholm syndrome. As they fell for their captors and develop a soft bond of connection with them. Because mostly the captors are the one’s who fulfill their basic needs like food and medicine and often physical intimacy when the require to process the trauma of being hijacked or kidnapped. This is not very common, to fall in love for your kidnapper or captor but happens with people with low self esteem and history of abuse.
When I talked to these women, they very rudely said it’s better worship one man than be a raw piece of meat to wolves out there.
One of the girl who’s hardly 25 years, told me that her husband after thrashing her hard, treats her with sex and restaurant food. After beating the shit out of her when she is in pain, he doesn’t allows her to cook food. Even takes her to the doctor for treating all the bloody bruises. In this situation when she is being treated so well, she thinks of him as an emergency God. Especially when there is no support from the family.
Psychologists says that terror-bonding and feeling empathy rather than rage towards your captor is the classic example of Stockholm Syndrome. It can also develop between abusive parents and children. Where the child may feel protective toward the parent and try mending the ways to keep the parents happy, unsuccessfully.
When I tried to educate these girls on the psychology of the syndrome, they were reluctant to understand.
As they feel that bonding with their captors( read husbands) after years of intimacy is their survival strategy and looking for normality within the framework of chaos and distress.
What’s wrong in choosing bad, when another option in front of you is worst? One of the girl slaps her butt and walks off to stich a new pattern of dress she’s learning under the program.
